he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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