i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
