look no pants
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
