Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
