I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
