The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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