I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
