you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
