No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
