I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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