I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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