Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
