is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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