R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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