Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
