I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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