if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
