I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
