can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
