She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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