dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
