Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
