don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
They have beer where we have blood.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
