and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
