I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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