I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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