I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
