hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
