I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
