how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
