I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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