She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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