I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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