i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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