I never want to see another naked old woman again.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
