you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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