I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
