My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
