I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
