Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
