I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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