I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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