Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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