Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
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