I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
