if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
