Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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