Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
