ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
