Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
