There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
