Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
