Apparently you make a good broom.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
