Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I could fuck to npr.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize