Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
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and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
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It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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