he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
