is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
