i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
