That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
