idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
