i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
