if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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