oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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