just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
