There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
