I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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