i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
