Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
