Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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