Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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